Specious Lesbo and the Seahorse She Rode In On...

I've come to realize that I have an insatiable wanderlust running through my body these days....it's only been about three weeks since my last remarkable jaunt and I'm still feeling the need to keep moving...and exploring...and going...and although I am ready to get out of my relative's house, I don't particularly want to return to my home, Tejas.

The QP has gone back to work...with school and other obligations following closely behind...so, in a sense, I've lost a great travel partner. Although, not really...there's still time for us to have more adventures...we'll see where we're led....

Pontiffa's also given me more oppourtunities to explore Connecticut than I ever expected to have. I've never even really thought about Connecticut, outside of secretly desiring to find Martha Stewart's homestead...and yet, strangely, I've found myself there several times in the past couple of months...I can now add Storrs, Manchester and Mansfield, CT to my growing list of mental road maps.....and all the Wal-marts and Subways inbetween...not to mention, the drive-in. Last week, we saw 40-Year Old Virgin and Skeleton Key...it really doesn't get any better than that...seriously...no movie will ever compare.

But, here I am again...the end of my work week drawing near and I'm trying to figure out where I'm gonna go during my three days off this week. Unfortunatly, my bank statement's telling me that I'll be going nowhere...and I hate that. That means no cigarettes...no new sights...no conversing with someone...anyone...on the same level as me.

I've been telling my aunt about my semi-plans to get out to one of the islands before I leave this side of the country. It's been really frustrating trying to explain to her that it doesn't matter whether or not I have someone to go with...I still plan on going.

She's keeps saying that traveling alone would be too dangerous...too lonely...do nothing but add to my depression (which, I have to say, is QUITE opposite of what it'll actually do)...and she's gone so far as to say that the islands "really aren't that nice."

Christ. I know it really doesn't matter what she thinks and that she's nothing but concerned for me...but, I have to hear it anyway.

In fact, I have to hear it all the time...if it doesn't come from her, it comes from my father or somebody in my extended family. How does anybody ever expect me to to do ANYTHING if I'm living in fear of what's going to happen to me? I'm really trying my hardest to break that mentality in my head, damnit!

If there's ever been one thing that's bothered me about being female, it's this. When I was little, I always wanted to be a boy because i saw that they were able to do things on their own without really being questioned. Then I grew up...and I realized that I was actually more than happy to be female...because boys are dumb.

Now, I'm still a girl...and I'm still happy with this...and I'm STILL fighting with the "You really shouldn't do that because you're a fragile female."

I hate getting angry about this. I know that everyone is just concerned for my safety...Hell, I'm concerned for my safety. But, incredibly secure...eating at Bennigans...staying at the Holiday Inn...taking the guided tours with the rest of the group...activites just aren't fun (for me, anyway...but, if I'm with the right people, anything can be fun).

Sheeessshh...it's work time now.