9.02.2005
I think I smell a rat...
The Commies were outside my bedroom this morning...
I woke up to loud, growling noises that could've easily been tanks and voices yelling at each other in a foreign accent...one guy was shouting directions and the others responded with what I determined to be some sort of "affirmative." So, in my hazy, dreamy state...I just naturally assumed they were Commines.
With my head still under the covers, I started to concoct a plan of escape...
...because, as we all know, Commies are deadly in any form...I've heard that if they even look at you, you immediately become one of them.
Here's the plan: I'd slyly roll off the bed using my professional-grade stealth skills and then crawl on the ground, keeping my body as flush to the floor as possible, until I got to the stairs that lead to the basement.
At that point, I'd draw my arms and legs snug to my body and tuck my head...thereby making myself incredibly aerodynamic....and slide my bullet-self down the stairs on my belly. When I hit the floor, I'd keep myself tucked, and roll, as quickly as possible, to the little cubby that the wood-burning furnace makes with the cellar wall...
Here, I'd hid for as long as necessary until my Capitalist brethren came to rescue me...
After two days of hiding in the basement, I'd remember how quickly the Capitalists leaders acted after that disastrous hurricane not too long ago, and I'd give up hope...
On day three...I'd be fresh out of ideas, having never come up with any beyond "hiding in the basement" to begin with...
....and then, they'd find me...
Before I even saw their Red faces, I'd eject myself from hiding...throwing my hands up and screaming "AAAAAAHHHHHHH COMMIES!!!" I'd make no attempt to flee.
There. That's my plan.
I spent a good twenty minutes laying in bed coming up with that...after which, I became slightly more awake and lucid and realized that the lawn care guys had come a little bit early today.
I woke up to loud, growling noises that could've easily been tanks and voices yelling at each other in a foreign accent...one guy was shouting directions and the others responded with what I determined to be some sort of "affirmative." So, in my hazy, dreamy state...I just naturally assumed they were Commines.
With my head still under the covers, I started to concoct a plan of escape...
...because, as we all know, Commies are deadly in any form...I've heard that if they even look at you, you immediately become one of them.
Here's the plan: I'd slyly roll off the bed using my professional-grade stealth skills and then crawl on the ground, keeping my body as flush to the floor as possible, until I got to the stairs that lead to the basement.
At that point, I'd draw my arms and legs snug to my body and tuck my head...thereby making myself incredibly aerodynamic....and slide my bullet-self down the stairs on my belly. When I hit the floor, I'd keep myself tucked, and roll, as quickly as possible, to the little cubby that the wood-burning furnace makes with the cellar wall...
Here, I'd hid for as long as necessary until my Capitalist brethren came to rescue me...
After two days of hiding in the basement, I'd remember how quickly the Capitalists leaders acted after that disastrous hurricane not too long ago, and I'd give up hope...
On day three...I'd be fresh out of ideas, having never come up with any beyond "hiding in the basement" to begin with...
....and then, they'd find me...
Before I even saw their Red faces, I'd eject myself from hiding...throwing my hands up and screaming "AAAAAAHHHHHHH COMMIES!!!" I'd make no attempt to flee.
There. That's my plan.
I spent a good twenty minutes laying in bed coming up with that...after which, I became slightly more awake and lucid and realized that the lawn care guys had come a little bit early today.
--- a likely story from --- themellenhead @ 10:04 AM 
