Specious Lesbo and the Seahorse She Rode In On...

Did I mention that I should've left town this week?

Within ten minutes of my aunt's return home from work, I was barraged with a series of slightly insulting life suggestions:

1. Para-aunt: "What did you do today? Did you leave the house?"

Me: "Uh...I did lots of reading...and some other stuff. No. I didn't...but, I'm pretty content...not at all bored."

Para-aunt: "Well, you know...exercise helps with depression."

Me: "Yeah. I've heard that."

Para-aunt: "So...do you get much exercise?"

Me: "Well....not particularly...but I've always had jobs that have kept me pretty active...and I've just been lucky, I guess."

Para-aunt: "You know...that's not going to last. Especially if you spend all summer on the couch eating cookie dough! And, as you get older, it'll get harder to lose that weight..."

Me: "I think I'm pretty in touch with my body...if I gain weight, I'm generally aware of it...and if I need to do something about it, I can...so, I'm not too worried about it."

What the fuck?!? I knew I never should've told her about my closet cookie dough consumption. This has shed light on eating disorders for me...so, thank God I'm not an insecure, appearance obsessed teenager! There'd be jars of puke in every closet in this house...

I think I handle the interrogations ok...I'm just worried about where it's going to lead. As of right now, my family believes that I'm a shy loner...prone to depression...not really interested in relationships or socializing in general. I like to be left alone...for days at a time...but, I keep myself alive...I go to work...sometimes, I express thoughts...

Only some of this is true...I've noticed the word "loner" has come up in several discussions...either with me or I overhear conversations that were casual and just mentioned my apparent tendencies...

I've never really considered myself a loner...is this how homosexuality is rationalized to those who don't want to look beyond the black and white? I mean, I think that I'm blessed with a number of close friends that have surrounded me for years now...the SAME people...YEARS....and it's not like I hide this. I'm always talking to someone...how does this make me a loner?

Oh...I get it. I don't talk about boyfriends....or any future interest in finding a boyfriend...or marriage...

To them, I guess that particularly makes me a weirdo at my age...I've graduated from college...I'm not on any type of career track...I have no progressing relationship with a significant other...hmmm...what else is there? I don't give off a major depressive vibe...maybe a slight vibe of melancholy, but nothing that keeps me from getting out of bed in the morning...is it just pure idleness?

Perhaps. Well...I guess there could be worse things than being labeled a loner. They could use the word "sociopath" instead...basically the same thing, just a bit heavier connotation...

But, despite my sociopath disposition, my aunt invited me out tonight to listen to her play the clarinet in the airy gentility of the Mattapoisett Town Band (I didn't read this article...it's seven years old...and I didn't want it to taint my thoughts...but, it adds some pictures to my story).

I asked the vital questions...can I bring beer? No? Am I going to hear a rendition of "Tiny Dancer"? No? Damn....Ok...well...can I get ice cream there or soon there after? Yes? Well then...I'm sold.

So, my aunt and I made our way down to the wharf where the rest of the band was grabbing their folding chairs from the harbormaster's quarters...setting them up semi-haphazzardly on the gazebo stage...ahhh...the gazebo...and what's a gazebo without a Baleen whale wind-dial atop? Nothing, I tell ya...

I found myself a nice patch of grass...stage left. I had a pretty comfortable folding chair and I settled in...awaiting the music...I brought some reading material with me...unsatiable (but, I'll have to say, I've never spelled better in my entire life...)...and I must perpetuate my "loner" image...

I tried...but there was just too much activity going on for me to ignore. Children everywhere...happy elderlies...unsullied WASPs...

The children were the most noticeable...on the right, I had several "Ring Around the Rosy"s...hmmm...children's songs about the plague....how nice...on the left, I had a small toddler adorned in a baby Polo shirt, Aberbabie Cargo Shorts and a Gap Kid puka shell necklace trying his best convince his mother to let him run circles around the gazebo with the rest of the proto-WASPs...

My cynical train of thought was broken by the band conductor's request for all to stand for the national anthem...this is where I get weird. I don't know if it's the Catholic upbringing or what, but I take the national anthem seriously...hey, it's hip to be patriotic...I like this country pretty good...despite all the issues I question, I'm a fundamental supporter...

But, that's pretty much as far as my jingoism goes...the rest of the evening included many-a-selection of Irving Berlin hits...and more engulfment of WASPisms...such as, "Well, I don't follow the pre-heating instructions...but, the crust always turns out crispy flakey!"...and, "Sweety...everyday is America day!" This was an answer to a matter-of-fact question presented by a five year old to his mother on why the houses still had flags up...I was actually wondering the same thing...

Cause I live and breath this Philadelphia freedom?

Because all we have to do, is take these lies and make them true?

Yikes.

If you came up to me and asked me whether I liked Americana...I'd probably instinctually smack you...but, I'm so familiar with denial that I could give you a detailed guided tour...so, truthfully, this is the America I love. Cedar shingles...concert band music...granted, I could do with out the WASP parents, but I even found myself wanting some of their Arryan children for myself...stuffed quahogs...

Thank god my family's crazy and I have no real job...or I might never return to Texas...