7.31.2005
You can go your own way (go your own waaay!)
Heeeeeyyyyy....guess what I found? Well, nothing....just another website link that's going to lead me into detailing some of my distorted perceptions as a child...sadly, some of these perceptions haven't changed over the years...
When I was wee child, my family and I went of LOTS of road trips...and did LOTS of camping...My dad insisted it was just, plain and simple, more convenient than flying and staying in motels...well, duh! Of course it was! It had nothing to do with his thriftiness...it's all about the convenience of packing up four people and two dogs (it was also a lot more convenient to bring the family pets rather than boarding them...) into a minivan with shoddy air-conditioning and driving 2500 miles...stopping every 15 hours or so to unload the tents, stoves, sleeping bags, lanterns, toilet paper, etc....Ahhhhh, modern convenience!
Huh...well, golly...I'm going camping in New Hampshire tomorrow...ya know, it's just the darndest thing...
Anyway, there's a small point to this story...a lot of my childhood misperceptions have to do with driving, traveling, and deciphering song lyric meanings while listening to my Walkman (I won't even go into this...there are SO many imaginary scenarios in my brain log...my strange obsessions with Fleetwood Mac and Blondie had to come from somewhere)...but, here are a few:
Confusing Road Signs
1. Lights On For Safety: I used to think that this sign was some sort of pep-rally message for all the drivers that were really into safety...I mean, there was a whole song called the Safety Dance, so I figured there was some sort of cult following for safety...Like, "Hey guys! Let's hear it for safety! That's right...S...A....F...E...T...Y....Lights on for safety! Wooooo! Yeah!"
I'd always ask my dad why he wasn't turning his lights on for Safety....he'd just kind of grumble and reply with "I just don't think it's necessary..." This is also the man who holds out to the very last possible nanosecond before switching his windshield wipers from "intermittence" to "high" (I think he believes he's conserving something...)...and has no problem confidently reassuring 10 year-olds that tents will hold up in severe weather...so, when it came down to it, it wasn't hard for me to believe that my dad was NOT on the team rooting for Safety...therefore, I never questioned it.
2. Slow Children At Play: This one's just asking for it...I always thought that if the kids would just pick up the pace a bit, there would be no need for this sign in the first place! Logically, if the children could run out of the way of cars, the cars wouldn't hit them, and, hence, no need for a warning...why don't the adults in town just tell the slow kids this? Do I have to do everything around here?
3. Stop Here At Red (with one of those arrows pointing to the line on the ground): Never made any sense. Those lines were always white...not one of them was ever painted red.
And lastly...completely unrelated to driving....when I was 5 years old (or possibly younger, because this is a very fuzzy memory) I spent a little bit of time visiting my grandparents up here in Massachusetts...during that time, I went to summer camp and slept in the basement....I hated summer camp, as I hated school, as I hated ANY activity that forced me to interact and be judged by other children (I have no idea how I turned out even slightly normal....wait...normal...yes). So, I decided that if I just didn't wake up from sleeping that nobody could make me go to camp...that there was some way to stay in a perpetual dream state and nobody would know it...not even me...and if I could just obtain this state, I would never have to worry about other kids...or camp...because everything would just be a dream.
So, one morning, I woke up after one of those really vivid dreams that felt all-to-real and I couldn't figure out if I was still dreaming or not...I spent the rest of the day in a haze trying to unravel the mysteries of consciousness (ok...not really...I think I probably spent most of that day thinking about Slip n' Slides and ever-fascinating Horseshoe crab)...but, the idea that I was actually dreaming the entire day and that, eventually, I'd wake up, stayed with me...it stayed with me for about 3 days...even through other rounds of sleep...I thought that the sleep was also just another stage of the dream...then, I think I eventually just let it go...a pretty rock caught my attention or something.
This is one of the perceptions that hasn't changed...I think about this a few times a year and the smell of the basement and the mixed feeling of dread and freedom comes back...and then I think that I'm going to wake up soon...and I'll find myself on a cot in my grandparent's basement...I'd be 5 years old, but I'd actually privy to all my life experiences, wisdom, and visions of the future that this intense dream has bestowed on me...
Then I'd rule the world...nothing could intimidate me, because, well, I'd be a five year old with the knowledge of a 26 year old....top that, bitch! I'd also be a indie rockstar...filling up clubs across the world with countless numbers of tight-pant wearing boys and semi-torn shirt clad girls who all drink blue-collar beer in my honor...
Oh. Hi...I think I'm waking up now...just long enough for me to realize that I need to sleep...
When I was wee child, my family and I went of LOTS of road trips...and did LOTS of camping...My dad insisted it was just, plain and simple, more convenient than flying and staying in motels...well, duh! Of course it was! It had nothing to do with his thriftiness...it's all about the convenience of packing up four people and two dogs (it was also a lot more convenient to bring the family pets rather than boarding them...) into a minivan with shoddy air-conditioning and driving 2500 miles...stopping every 15 hours or so to unload the tents, stoves, sleeping bags, lanterns, toilet paper, etc....Ahhhhh, modern convenience!
Huh...well, golly...I'm going camping in New Hampshire tomorrow...ya know, it's just the darndest thing...
Anyway, there's a small point to this story...a lot of my childhood misperceptions have to do with driving, traveling, and deciphering song lyric meanings while listening to my Walkman (I won't even go into this...there are SO many imaginary scenarios in my brain log...my strange obsessions with Fleetwood Mac and Blondie had to come from somewhere)...but, here are a few:
Confusing Road Signs
1. Lights On For Safety: I used to think that this sign was some sort of pep-rally message for all the drivers that were really into safety...I mean, there was a whole song called the Safety Dance, so I figured there was some sort of cult following for safety...Like, "Hey guys! Let's hear it for safety! That's right...S...A....F...E...T...Y....Lights on for safety! Wooooo! Yeah!"
I'd always ask my dad why he wasn't turning his lights on for Safety....he'd just kind of grumble and reply with "I just don't think it's necessary..." This is also the man who holds out to the very last possible nanosecond before switching his windshield wipers from "intermittence" to "high" (I think he believes he's conserving something...)...and has no problem confidently reassuring 10 year-olds that tents will hold up in severe weather...so, when it came down to it, it wasn't hard for me to believe that my dad was NOT on the team rooting for Safety...therefore, I never questioned it.
2. Slow Children At Play: This one's just asking for it...I always thought that if the kids would just pick up the pace a bit, there would be no need for this sign in the first place! Logically, if the children could run out of the way of cars, the cars wouldn't hit them, and, hence, no need for a warning...why don't the adults in town just tell the slow kids this? Do I have to do everything around here?
3. Stop Here At Red (with one of those arrows pointing to the line on the ground): Never made any sense. Those lines were always white...not one of them was ever painted red.
And lastly...completely unrelated to driving....when I was 5 years old (or possibly younger, because this is a very fuzzy memory) I spent a little bit of time visiting my grandparents up here in Massachusetts...during that time, I went to summer camp and slept in the basement....I hated summer camp, as I hated school, as I hated ANY activity that forced me to interact and be judged by other children (I have no idea how I turned out even slightly normal....wait...normal...yes). So, I decided that if I just didn't wake up from sleeping that nobody could make me go to camp...that there was some way to stay in a perpetual dream state and nobody would know it...not even me...and if I could just obtain this state, I would never have to worry about other kids...or camp...because everything would just be a dream.
So, one morning, I woke up after one of those really vivid dreams that felt all-to-real and I couldn't figure out if I was still dreaming or not...I spent the rest of the day in a haze trying to unravel the mysteries of consciousness (ok...not really...I think I probably spent most of that day thinking about Slip n' Slides and ever-fascinating Horseshoe crab)...but, the idea that I was actually dreaming the entire day and that, eventually, I'd wake up, stayed with me...it stayed with me for about 3 days...even through other rounds of sleep...I thought that the sleep was also just another stage of the dream...then, I think I eventually just let it go...a pretty rock caught my attention or something.
This is one of the perceptions that hasn't changed...I think about this a few times a year and the smell of the basement and the mixed feeling of dread and freedom comes back...and then I think that I'm going to wake up soon...and I'll find myself on a cot in my grandparent's basement...I'd be 5 years old, but I'd actually privy to all my life experiences, wisdom, and visions of the future that this intense dream has bestowed on me...
Then I'd rule the world...nothing could intimidate me, because, well, I'd be a five year old with the knowledge of a 26 year old....top that, bitch! I'd also be a indie rockstar...filling up clubs across the world with countless numbers of tight-pant wearing boys and semi-torn shirt clad girls who all drink blue-collar beer in my honor...
Oh. Hi...I think I'm waking up now...just long enough for me to realize that I need to sleep...
--- a likely story from --- themellenhead @ 11:25 PM 
